You. Yes, you. How could you do this to me? How could you make me feel this way day after day after day? Like I’m not good enough. Like my dreams will always be out of reach because they are beyond the strength and courage I have to accomplish them.
I’m angry with you, and it’s a difficult emotion because even while I’m raging, I can’t let you go. The people who love me tell you that you’re too harsh, that you’re too judgmental, that you should give me a break.
I just nod when I hear them say these things to you; nod and smile, all the while knowing that their words will never reach you, because this is something we need to settle between us. It’s a conversation we’ve had time and time again, and sometimes, I’m able to overcome you, bury you for a while. But you always manage to dig yourself back to the surface and sneak up on me.
And it starts all over. I wonder how I could let you back in and you tell me that I’m not good enough. How do I rid myself of you when you’re a part of me? If I could physically cut you out, I would, because I know I’m not the person you think I am. I’m better than that, and I’m sick of you telling me otherwise.
I have work to do in some areas of my life, but you…. you like to make me think that because I have flaws that I’m not worth loving. You’re a disease, a parasite that eats away at me until there’s nothing left and I realize that I’ve let it happen again. I rebuild my self-confidence and push through, making myself stronger each time, and that’s how I know I’m better than you like to think.
We are in constant battle, you and I, but I like to think I’m winning. As easy as it is to give in to you sometimes, I have more than you could ever offer, and I see that more and more clearly every day. Soon, I’ll be rid of you. You’ll be a small insignificant voice straining to be heard, and I’ll laugh at your efforts to bring me down. I’ll do all the things you’ve always said are impossible, and you’ll have no other choice but to dissolve.
I wish I could say a final goodbye right this moment, but it’s not that easy. You cling to me, but you’re losing your grip, and one day you’ll be the one to fall away.